Infertility can be crippling. Experiencing time and time again, the hope of having a tiny human that looks like you, acts like you and loves you fiercely, only to have it stripped away is heart breaking. I have had one miscarriage and one ectopic pregnancy resulting in the loss of my right fallopian tube. This is not, however, even close to infertility. Did my heart break each time? Yes, without a doubt. But I was blessed with two beautiful girls, following each loss. There are others in this world that don’t ever get to experience the blessing afterwards. That is who my heart breaks for. being able to look at my girls and seeing the beauty in the subtle ways they look like me or my husband. Their tiny little fingers in my hands on the day they were born. Each was a precious moment that I wanted to be able to help someone experience.
When I first started looking into what I could do to help, I came up with the plan to donates some of my eggs. I thought that any way I could help was better than not doing anything. Turns out my genes are less than stellar. There is a lot that goes into donating your eggs because you are giving your DNA. After I found out I couldn’t donate that way, I started to wonder how else I could help. I came across surrogacy. I did so much research into this entire process. I wanted to know the ins and outs of every step of the journey. I also didn’t want to have to go through a lengthy process full of legal paperwork and all the what IF’s of this particular scenario without someone who knew what they were doing already.
In my research I came across Circle Surrogacy. I have loved working with them. They were so helpful through the entire journey. Any questions I had they answered! So I started the process to become a surrogate. I went into the journey know what I would be giving. Knowing the toll that pregnancy can take on me and on our family. I also had an idea of the gift I was going t be giving the family that I was going to be matched with. I knew the love I have for my girls and wanted to help someone else feel that complete fullness. I didn’t, however, stop to think about what I would be receiving from this journey.
I found so much joy in being able to give to this new family. They were beyond grateful for everything I was able to do for them, yet it was something I did pretty simply on my own. I loved the experience.
That is not to say that I loved being pregnant. Lets face it, pregnancy is not the most comfortable situation you can find yourself in. Let me break it down for just a moment and have complete transparency for you right here. I was sick as a dog in the beginning. I couldn’t keep anything down, including water. This does not make a great start to the day. On top of not being able to stomach anything, or the smell of most things, I was a nanny. I have two daughters of my own, and I was a nanny to two little boys. I was beyond busy. So at the end of every night I was exhausted! At one point I had to take a trip to the ER from dehydration. Later in the pregnancy I got the amazing pleasure of swelling up like a balloon. None of my shoes fit. It was a time for the fashion statement of slippers and stuffing my feet into my toms. It was actually pretty funny taking them off and still having the outline. The swelling went away about a week after I had the baby. The carpal tunnel that i developed however, didn’t go away until about six weeks later. Then there’s the completely normal ‘symptoms’ of pregnancy, like heart burn, bottomless hunger, and constantly feeling like I needed more water. Yeah, it was definitely not the most comfortable situation I could have gotten myself into. I have to say, it was so worth it though!
Most common questions I was asked about surrogacy
1: Don’t you think it’s going to be really hard to give the baby up at the end?
– I know that the number one factor going into this surrogacy that was always in the back of my mind, was the fact that my husband and I are done growing our family. We love our two girls fiercely, but boy are they a handful. Beyond that, they are two armfuls. My fragile state of mind can only handle so much estrogen in one room at a time. I am almost positive my husband would say the exact same thing. We knew we absolutely did not want any more children. That was the number one factor that made it easy to hand that baby to her mom when she came out. The second was the fact that throughout the entire process it was always being reiterated that the baby was theirs. Not that they were constantly reminding me, but I was in contact with them. I was sending them the sonogram pictures, I was making sure they knew what she was doing in the womb. I wanted them, for myself as well as them, to feel so connected to her by the time she was actually born.
2: How do you keep in mind that the baby isn’t yours?
– I slightly touched on this at the end of the last question. I made sure to be doing things that made the intended parents feel really involved throughout the entire pregnancy. That did a couple of thing for us. One, it helped them feel connected to the baby when they weren’t able to actually be a part of the pregnany. For most women, the pregnancy is such a crucial connection period. It’s when they get to feel bonded with the little life that is going to be in their care. During a surrogacy, obviously, the mom doesn’t get this chance. I wanted her to feel as close as she could without actually being the one carrying her. I sent the pictures that were printed during the sonograms, we got speakers to put on my belly so that they could talk to her while she was still in the womb. I made sure to let them know the cravings and movement patterns of the baby. Anything that would seem significant to me a mom, I wanted to make sure they knew. Two, it helped me keep my mind focused on their needs. It was pretty simple, but I didn’t want any reason for them to feel saddened by not actually being the one pregnant.
3- Aren’t you afraid it’s going to be hard saying goodbye to the baby and the family when it’s all over?
– Yes and no. The process of seeing them return home was definitely the hardest part of the entire journey, and I stabbed myself in the butt with an almost 2″ needle. I loved that I got to see them in the first few moments as parents. We did spend time together after the birth. I got to see the results of what I did for them. I loved that! I also wanted them to be able to get back to “normal” life now that they had their baby. I was excited for them to go home with her and get into a routine. To be able to watch their precious baby grow and learn. They now have this precious life to watch over and teach and train. I got to be a part of that and it has forever changed me to my very core! There is nothing more precious than being able to give the gift of life. No matter how that life come to you it is an absolute miracle, not to be taken lightly. The hardest part wasn’t parting with the baby that grew inside me, but with the family that grew in my heart and into my family. They loved my husband and my children. They took us into their heart as much as we did them. That is where it was a sad separation. That separation wasn’t too hard because I know that we will always have them as dear friends of ours. We made a connection that cannot be fabricated. It was deep and it was lasting.
I hear all the time “I don’t know how you did it?” I giggle when I hear this, because I loved it! I love the change that it made in me and in my family. I got to show my girls that not everyone is as blessed as we are, but there is ALWAYS something we can do to help bless others. My girls got to see the entire process, from me taking the injections, to me giving birth and meeting the baby. They were just as much a part of the process.
I would absolutely recommend you looking into being a surrogate. It will forever change to fabric of who you are and how you look at the world around you. My one suggestion before you do, however, is to be done with your family first. Grow your family to your fullness before you go to grow someone elses. It not only helps the process of the separation, but it helps you to see the beauty in what you’re giving to them.
If you have more questions, please don’t hesitate to email me and ask.
If you are interested in becoming a surrogate you can go HERE Mention my name: Sarah Coon in your application.
Circle surrogacy will answer any questions you might have, and are an amazing team to walk you through the journey of being a surrogate. I can’t express enough how much this journey has changed me and blessed me in so many ways.
(If you mention my, I will be eligible to receive compensation.)